After our wedding, Caitlyn and I spent a few extra days in the mountains together.
We rode mountain bikes. One thing I love about mountain biking is that just about every ride has a moment where your brain starts negotiating.
You've been climbing for a while. Your legs are burning. The fun part still isn't here.
And a little voice quietly asks, "Why are we doing this again?"
It occurred to me that's a question life asks us over and over again. Not just on a bike.
In business.
In relationships.
In our health.
In almost anything meaningful.
Eventually, the excitement wears off.
The new job isn't new anymore.
The relationship isn't effortless anymore.
The business isn't growing as quickly anymore.
The workout isn't exciting anymore.
And in that moment, most people don't actually ask, "Is this still the life I want to build?"
They ask something much more immediate. "How do I make this feeling stop?"
I think that's one of the biggest mistakes we make.
Over the past twenty-two years, I've become convinced of something.
One of the strongest predictors of the life someone ultimately creates isn't intelligence.
It isn't talent.
It isn't luck.
It's their willingness to endure healthy discomfort long enough for competency to develop.
Because competency takes time.
Relationships take time.
Businesses take time.
Healing takes time.
Mastery takes time.
The problem is that we live in a culture that has become remarkably good at helping us escape discomfort before any of those things have a chance to happen.
When a job becomes difficult… We find another one.
When a relationship becomes challenging… We assume we've found the wrong person.
When business gets hard… We start looking for a different idea.
When our health doesn't improve quickly… We move on to the next protocol.
Sometimes changing direction is absolutely the right decision.
But I've noticed that, more often than not, people aren't changing direction because they've carefully evaluated the vision.
They're changing direction because they’re uncomfortable, they want the bad feeling to go away.
That's a very different reason.
One of the questions people ask me most often is, "How do I know when it's time to keep going... and when it's time to walk away?"
It's a great question.
I don't think the answer is, "Stay until it feels good."
I think the answer is, "Stay long enough to honestly determine whether progress is happening."
Not dramatic progress. Micro-progress.
Am I communicating better than I was six months ago?
Am I becoming more emotionally resilient?
Am I handling frustration differently?
Am I developing skills I didn't have before?
Because before I evaluate the situation...
I want to evaluate myself.
My emotional state is always within my influence.
My mindset.
My emotional regulation.
My willingness to learn.
My consistency.
Those things belong to me regardless of what anyone else chooses.
If I'm making progress with myself and the situation still isn't changing, then perhaps it's time for a different strategy.
Maybe it's a different business.
Maybe it's a different doctor.
Maybe it's a different relationship.
Maybe it's simply a different approach.
But I don't want to leave simply because I'm uncomfortable.
I want to leave because I've honestly determined that this path no longer moves me toward the vision I'm trying to create.
There's a profound difference between those two decisions.
Looking back over my own life, almost every meaningful breakthrough required a season where I wondered whether it was worth continuing.
Building this company.
Learning to manage my emotions.
Recovering my health.
Building an extraordinary relationship.
None of those happened quickly.
Every one of them required staying with discomfort longer than I wanted to.
And eventually I realized something.
Discomfort wasn't the obstacle.
It was the tuition.
The price I had to pay to become someone capable of creating the life I wanted.
Maybe that's why resilience matters so much. Resilience isn't the absence of discomfort.
It's the capacity to keep moving toward your vision while discomfort is present.
Because eventually the discomfort passes.
But the competency stays.
And that competency changes everything.
Everything starts with state management.
From there, we build resilience, emotional competency, communication, and the practical skills that allow us to create extraordinary lives one decision at a time.
If you'd like to continue exploring this work, you can also find The Connection Fix on the Blog or on The Connection Fix Podcast.
You may also enjoy Issue 026 — The Exhaustion Myth, where we explored why your state must always come before trying to optimize your circumstances.
Leverage whichever format works best for you.
Before I wrap...
Where in your life are you tempted to quit...
Not because the vision has changed… But because the discomfort has become louder than the vision?
Sometimes the breakthrough isn't waiting on a different path.
Sometimes it's waiting just beyond the part you were about to walk away from.
More soon.
Have a great rest of your day, and I'll look forward to connecting again next week.
Joey